Sunflowers
by JojjoB
Summary: A Sydrian story. Post The Golden Lily. Sydney Sage's life is spinning out of control. She's fallen for a vampire and also started to doubt her beliefs. Above that, she has also lost herself.
1. Chapter 1

_Sydney Sage ran as fast as she could towards the horrid scene playing in front of her under a streetlight. Three strigoi had surrounded the emerald eyed spirit user Adrian Ivashkov and were leaning forward to each take a bite out of the messy haired moroi. Sydney could hear them chuckle as they came closer and she saw the fear in Adrian beautiful eyes. She raced as fast as she could but it was too slow. She saw how they drained him and then left his lifeless body in the golden circle of light from the streetlight. When she got there she looked into his emerald eyes that were now lifeless and without their usual glow. She called his name, first to his face and when she realized it was pointless she started saying it silently up to the night sky while she cried. She couldn't believe she'd lost him. She'd lost him before having a chance of telling him she loved him. Sydney cried and hugged the lifeless body tightly before everything faded away._

I woke up with tears streaming down my face and a horrible feeling in my chest. That was the worst dream so far. Ever since I left Adrian's apartment a week ago after he'd confessed his love for me and kissed me I have been having horrible nightmares. It started off with dreams involving Adrian telling me that he didn't love me anymore but soon escalated to dreams where he died. Night after night he died. Sometimes he died of an illness and I got too visit him in a hospital room and he died in my arms after I admitted to loving him too, while other nights, like the most recent, he died before I could even get too him. I often witnessed the whole process of him dying in my dreams, whether it was from strigoi or being shot in a robbery, I always saw him die but I could never get to him in time. I know that my subconscious is trying to tell me that I need too tell him what I feel but I just can't. Telling him those three little words could ruin my whole career as an alchemist and it could also ruin everything I've done too protect my little sister Zoe. I still need to do everything in my power to keep her safe, to keep her from becoming an alchemist. I won't let her walk down the same path as myself. Glancing at my alarm clock I noted that it was too late to go back to sleep now so I simply rose from my bed and started my morning routine. When I was finished I drank a cup of coffee from my coffee maker in my room and looked through my e-mails. At first nothing too important seemed to be in my inbox but when taking a second look I nearly choked on my coffee. Ever since our kiss Adrian had been very distant towards me and we hadn't really had much contact during the last week, until now. There in my inbox was an e-mail from Adrian with only one word written in the as the subject. "Why". I stared at it for a couple of seconds like it would disappear if I looked away until I took a deep breath and with my heart pounding in my chest clicked for it to open. When it was open I just started in shock. The e-mail was completely empty. Not a word, not even a punctuation was in it. Just that lonely word up in the subject bar was staring back at me and I instantly wondered what it was all about. The single word stared at me from the screen until I couldn't take it anymore. I logged off my e-mail account and made my way down to the cafeteria for some breakfast. I put an apple and a small container of yoghurt on my tray and scanned the room for either Jill and the gang or Julia and Kristin. I spotted Jill, Eddie and Angeline sitting at a table pretty close to me so I went over there and sat down next to Angeline. Everybody looked kind of tired and nobody spoke. Eddie and Angeline were eating with big enthusiasm and Jill looked a part sad, a part longing at me but snapped out of it pretty soon and wiped out all traces of emotion from her face.

"Good morning", I murmured while opening my yoghurt and picking up my spoon. I got a nod from Eddie and a quick 'morning' from Angeline while Jill just looked at me with emotionless eyes. I tried striking up conversation but none of them seemed interested in talking so we sat there and ate in silence. The rest of the day went by in a blur even though that single "Why" was present throughout the day in the back of my head. Did he mean "Why" as in "Why did you leave?" or as in "Why can't we go back to before?"?. Not knowing was agonizing for me. And on top of that it was feeding day, which meant I would have to see Adrian. I'd have to see him giving me longing and haunted looks while we both would try and fail at ignoring each other. I missed him so much. His witty remarks. Our bickering. His eyes, oh those beautiful eyes. Emerald green eyes that almost could stare into my soul. I know I made the right choice in the alchemist point of view when I walked away but I didn't do the right thing to my heart. I seem calm and at peace with my decision on the outside but on the inside I'm a mess. My heart is broken in a million pieces and my mind is going crazy. The only thing that's keeping me from being a sobbing mess is my alchemist training that taught me too always be calm and professional. I came back to reality when a sudden knock on my door made me jump.

"Sydney, are you ready to go?", Angeline opened the door and peeked inside. "Jill and Eddie is downsta.., my god are you crying?", she looked at me with her mouth halfway open and I touched my cheek and found that I indeed had begun to cry during my trip down memory lane.

"Yeah, I guess I am.", I said while I reached for a napkin and started wiping my soaking cheeks.

"Why? Has something happened?", Angeline didn't of course know about the whole story between me and Adrian since we hadn't told anyone.

"No, nothing special. Just an emotional breakdown I guess. There have been a lot going on lately.", That was half true. After the Strigoi attack and me escaping from the Warriors of Light I think most people would've been in panic mode.

"Oh okay, do you feel alright? Do you want some time or something?", Angeline was surprisingly sweet today.

"No, I'm fine.", I got up from my chair and took a quick look at my face in the mirror. It showed that I'd been crying, my eyes were a light pink instead of white and my makeup was ruined. I quickly fixed my makeup and headed for the car with Angeline at my heels. When I got too Jill and Eddie I felt okay again, but apparently I didn't quite look okay yet. Jill let out a surprised gasp when she saw me. Eddie with his dhampir hearing spun around and scanned the surroundings for danger. When he was satisfied that there wasn't any strigoi luring in the bushes he looked at Jill with a puzzled look on his face.

"Are you okay Jill?", he asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine", she mumbled while still looking at me with a strange look on her face.


	2. Chapter 2

We arrived at Clarence's in silence. Adrian had beat us there and was now standing in the shade of a tree waving at our car. Everybody but me waved back. I just stared straight forward before stopping the car and killing the engine. Everybody scurried out and Jill went straight for Adrian. After a quick glance at me she started dragging Adrian towards the door and she whispered with him. In the middle of a sentence she glanced at me again and Adrian, who's eyes never even left my face, snapped back too Jill quickly and whispered something before he looked at me again, eyes wide in surprise this time. Great, they were talking about me. What could they possibly be saying? Did Jill say that I was an ice queen who hadn't even mentioned Adrian since that night? Did she tell about my obvious breakdown this afternoon? The door closed on Adrian and Jill's backs and I slowly made my way to the door. Finally inside I set off to the kitchen to get myself a drink before heading to the living room and sinking down in the sofa next to Eddie. Apparently Jill and Adrian went straight to Dorothy for their feeding. Eddie and Angeline were discussing something about some fight technique and I tried my best to listen and pick up tips to use as self defense but my mind was still scattered from the e-mail. I'd have to confront Adrian about it as soon as possible or else I wouldn't get anything done at all for a long time. A can of diet pop later, Adrian and Jill walked through the door. Jill went straight past me and sat on the other side of the couch, next to Angeline, while Adrian went for a chair by the window. Everybody fell silent for a moment before Clarence walked in the room and started talking to Jill. I shot a quick look at Adrian and found that he, not so surprisingly, were staring at me and especially my golden lily tattoo on my left cheek. I let my hair fall down too cover it before I captured Adrian's attention and motioned for him too follow me out to the kitchen. He was caught a bit off guard but he did follow. Well in the kitchen I jumped straight to business.

"What did you mean with your e-mail?", I stared him down and tried to force an answer out of his mouth.

"My my Sage, talking now, are we?", He looked at me with a haunted smile playing on his lips.

"Just answer the question. Your cryptic message is tearing my mind apart.", I crossed my arms against my chest and put on the most resolute expression I could to keep myself from crying and flinging myself around his neck. He looked so tormented. I just wanted to take him in my arms and tell him that everything would be okay, but I couldn't.

"I finally found something not even the great Sydney Sage, master alchemist, could solve? I'm not gonna give up the answer to that _that _easy.", His lips smiled jokingly but his eyes were lifeless.

"Did you mean 'why' as in 'Why did you leave' or 'why are you such a bitch'? Or maybe something in between?", I was getting angry. He just stared at me without a response so I pushed my anger aside and went for pleading instead. "Just answer me. Please Adrian.", I almost whispered. He flinched and something that wasn't sadness or coldness flashed behind his eyes. He took a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair before answering me.

"I meant 'Why' as in just that. 'Why'. It's the only thing I've wanted too get an answer to since that night. The only thing. I know why you left, don't get me wrong, I know all about your promise to the alchemists and what not, but still I wondered 'Why?'. I love you and you know that and whether you'll admit it to yourself or not you love me too. After that night there's no turning back. There is no 'just being friends' since I can't look at you without wanting to break into song or falling to my knees thanking God that you exist. I'll never forget your profession or why you can't be with me but I'll try. I'll try for the sake of my own mental health. That's the best answer you're gonna get from me Sage.", he looked at me with sad expression on his face.

"Adrian..,", was all I managed too say before he stormed off, leaving me alone and sad in the kitchen. Arms still crossed on my chest I leaned against the nearest wall and slid down to the floor. I put my arms around my legs and stared up at the ceiling with tears streaming down my cheeks. He had looked so hurt and in agony. I didn't want too see him like that. Not at all. When he was in agony I was in agony. We were like two pieces of a puzzle that fit perfectly with each other. We had become one unit. We felt the same feelings and neither of us could get happy. After what felt like an hour Jill walked through the door and straight to me. She slid down next to me and took one of my hands in hers. That was a breaking point to me. Suddenly I couldn't control myself. I started crying even harder and threw myself in her arms. She just sat there, patting my back and holding me tight. After a while I ran out of tears and sat there gulping for air and drying my cheeks. Jill let me go and I leaned back against the wall. This had been an emotional day for me. Jill looked me in the eyes and said very carefully "Wanna talk about it? I wont tell, I promise.". She had without a doubt seen the whole confrontation through Adrian's mind and that made it feel okay to talk to her. It was not like I could talk to anybody else. Neither my school friends or the damphirs knew about what was going on.

"I didn't want to hurt him.", I began whispering. "When I hurt him I hurt myself in the process. We're so alike yet so different and it feels like he can read my mind sometimes. I wont go so far as saying that I love him but I can't say that I don't feel something.", I sighed and my shoulders fell down.

"I know all that and I'm pretty sure he knows it to. I also know that he doesn't want to hurt you either. He's just really sad about the fact that he know that you can never be together.", Jill took one of my hands and squeezed it tight. "Just hang in there okay? It'll get better. At least I hope it will because I don't like seeing neither of you this sad and devastated. Now let's clean up and head for Amberwood, I have a huge test tomorrow, wanna help me study?", She smiled at me and I smiled back, wiped away the last of the tears on my cheeks and nodded. We made our way out of the kitchen and while I went for the car Jill went and fetched the others. The ride back to school wasn't as quiet as the ride to Clarence's, Angeline and Jill was deep in a conversation about something I couldn't identify while Eddie and I chatted a bit. It was kind of pleasant and I felt much better after my talk with Jill. She seemed happier too. Every time I looked at her in the mirror she was smiling. It warmed my heart.


	3. Chapter 3

_The nightmares took a twist that night. Instead of him dying I saw myself die and Adrian running to my rescue. Adrian didn't reach me in time and I died before he got there but still I saw the whole scenario. Adrian hugging my lifeless body. Adrian's tears dripping down his cheeks and finally landing on my face. Adrian's scream that was echoing through the night. I can't say that this dream was better, In this I had to see Adrian be heartbroken and I couldn't do anything to change it. I had too see him in agony while I couldn't move or say a world since I was dead. And I wasn't coming back. That was the worst part. I couldn't come back and tell him all the words I'd hidden inside my mind, stuffed away in the darkest corners so I couldn't think about them. All those beautiful words that were meant for Adrian, and Adrian only. All those things I'd never thought I'd say to another person. All those words that were meaningless to me before I met him._

I woke with a gasp as my alarm went off. Today was Wednesday and I was more exhausted than I'd been since the dreams started. With sorrow in my heart I started my morning routine. Once or twice I had to stop to dry off some escaped tears from my eyes and cheeks and then get going again. I hurried down to eat breakfast and then hurried to class. As usual the day flew by and I sailed through my classes. Even Ms. Terwilliger went easy on me and let me work in peace. I finished off for the day and headed to my room to do my homework and check my e-mails. When I finally set off to eat dinner I walked straight into a frantic Angeline in the hallway. She immediately grabbed my arms and stared at me while saying the words that made my world fall apart.

"Where is Jill? She told me that she was gonna go and see you two hours ago.", Angeline rushed out the words and panic colored her features.

"I don't know. I haven't seen her since yesterday.", My own panic began to rise and my heartbeat was racing. Angeline's fear and panic was mirrored in my own eyes and after what felt like an eternity, even though it couldn't have been more than 5 seconds, of just staring at each other we both pulled through and started running to find Eddie. It didn't take long since he was waiting for us to come down and eat with him in the dining hall in our dorm. We both ran there and even from a distance Eddie could see our panicked faces and he ran towards us to close the gap sooner.

"Jill's gone.", Angeline quickly took command of the situation and started explaining to Eddie. "She told me that she was going to see Sydney two hours ago but Sydney told me that Jill never showed up.", Both Eddie and Angeline were getting their warrior faces on by this point.

"We need to search all buildings for her, or clues to where she is.", Eddie quickly made a plan. He showed no signs of emotions except for a small glint of fear that still were in his eyes. He was all professional now and focused on making a plan to find her and make sure she was safe. "Sydney, you'll search through East and the grounds closest to it. Stay near the building. Me and Angeline will do a more thorough search of the outside grounds since we don't know what have happened, it could be dangerous for you to walk alone. Angeline you search Central and when you're done with the building you can start searching outdoors. I'll take West. Be careful, we don't know what we're dealing with. It might as well be strigoi.", We all started making our way to our assigned areas when Angeline shouted to me over her shoulder. "Hey, Sydney! Call Adrian when you're done searching, he needs to know.", She resumed her fast run to her building while I froze. I had too call Adrian and actually _talk _to him. That wasn't my ideal scenario after the whole meltdown only a day ago but I just had to suck it up. _Breathe Sydney. You're doing it for Jill. Remember that. She might be in danger and in that case Adrian needs to know. _My body started working normally again and I hurried and started my search. I started at the top floor of the building and decided to search my way down. After have searched a whole floor and eventually being at my own floor almost outside my door I finally found _something._ There, on the floor a couple of doors away from my own was a shoe. Not just any shoe, It was a ballerina shoe that I remember that Jill had worn just the other day. I recognized the color and the model of it and concluded that it must be hers. I quickly picked it up and called Eddie telling him what I had found. After a short exchange of words and me telling him about the shoe I hung up and continued my search. The panic was making it's way back into my body and mind and with every step without a clue I got more and more anxious. What if she was kidnapped - or worse - dead? I was wound up and scared when I was done searching and finally headed to my room to call Adrian. I sat on my bed and pulled out my phone and just stared at it for a minute. _This is it Sydney. Call him. You need to tell him about Jill. _I took a deep breath and called him up. Two signals went through. Three, four and five made it through before I got sent to his voice mail. I hung up and called again. And again. And again. After the fifth time I was really worried and decided to go to his place. I had to check if he was alright. I sent a quick text to Eddie since he had declared himself head of the search party and told him that I was going to Adrian's. I still had a few hours until curfew and would make it back with plenty of time to spare. I soon was in my car and I got all hesitant again. I sat there in Latte with the keys in the ignition and my hands on the wheel but as always when I was gonna do something involving Adrian I couldn't move. My mind was blank. _For Jill. Remember that. _The little voice in my mind whispered to me as so many times before when I went numb before doing something that meant contact with Adrian. That was all I needed to turn the key and make my way to his apartment. When I arrived I could see that his beautiful mustang was parked up front so he was most likely home. Before I had time to stop to think about the fact that I was actually seeing him face to face, I hurried out of the car and went straight to his door and knocked. I heard footsteps on the other side of the door and hoped that it was the footsteps of a green-eyed moroi and not a captor out to get me. The door opened and both of us froze. Adrian stared at me from the doorway and shock soon got replaced by surprise and a confused smile.

"Hey Sage. Didn't expect too see you here for a long time.", He dried his hands on a rag and I noticed that he was covered with paint splashes and had a brush in one hand.

"Me neither.", I murmured before speaking up. "I need to talk to you. It's about Jill.", He stepped aside and gestured for me to come in. I walked in and just stared. There were sunflowers everywhere. Every table or bench had at least one vase of sunflowers on them and I noticed a lot of canvases with different sunflower paintings on them. Some seemed sad and some seemed happy. Some paintings were darker and some were so bright yellow that you could barely see the contours of the flowers. It was like he had brought in a bunch of small suns into the room. Adrian strolled past me and put down his brush on a table before turning around and looking at me. By that point I had gotten my act together and put on a neutral facial expression along with crossing my arms on my chest.

"So, what's up with Jill?", Adrian looked at me with a lazy expression.

"She's missing.", I got down to business and Adrian looked at me in shock.

"What do you mean 'missing'? Is she really not just hanging out someplace?"

"She told Angeline that she was going to see me a couple of hours ago but I haven't seen her since yesterday.", Along with the scared look on his face my feelings began to stir. Fear because of Jill. Nervousness because of me being in Adrian's apartment for the first time since it got bad. Shock because of all the flowers. Everything was just a big mix of feelings and thoughts spinning out of control. I, for example, kept getting the urge of throwing myself at Adrian and kissing him. I scolded myself in my mind. I had to stop! There couldn't be anything between us. End of story.

"What do we do? Do you have any leads of what might have happened to her? I bet Eddie's freaking out. What should I do? Maybe I should try and contact her in a dream, if she's sleeping of course.", Adrian was rambling.

"Calm down Adrian, breathe.", I moved closer and put my hands on his shoulders before I realized what I'd done and froze. We stared into each others eyes and I felt like I was drowning in emerald. _Pull through. Focus. You're talking about Jill. Don't get distracted. _I blinked and the spell was broken. I pulled my hands away and broke eye contact before continuing. "The only lead we have is her shoe which I found a few meters from my door. We don't know anything more. You should try contacting her in a dream. That would really help.", I looked at him and dared an encouraging smile. "I just have one small question for you before you head off doing your spirit thing."

"Okay, ask away.", He looked at me sceptically.

"What's with the sunflowers?", I looked at him with a raised eyebrow. I really wanted to know. Why did he suddenly get an impulse to buy a bunch o sunflowers and placing them everywhere? It was weird but in a way very Adrian. He is impulsive. And weird sometimes too. I found myself staring at him with a strange smile on my face and my thoughts were spiraling out of control again. Why couldn't my mind understand that _this _could never happen? I could never kiss him again. It was wrong and shouldn't have happened in the first place. It didn't matter that I now knew that I had feelings for him because we couldn't be together. Ever. I quickly snapped back to reality before I lost myself in fantasies of our wedding and kissing him.

"Oh my, Sage, interested in my life again are we? Well, let's see. The reason my apartment is filled with sunflowers is because I like them. That's all.", He tipped the corners of his mouth up in a smile but there was a sad glimmer in his eyes. He was not telling the whole truth but I didn't feel like pressing him for details.

"Well okay then.", I didn't believe him one bit. Something weird was going on. "You should probably get on with your spirit stuff and I need to get back to school. Call me, Eddie or Angeline if you can get a hold of Jill.", I started making my way to the door.

"Contact me immediately if you find something, or in the best scenario, if you find her.", I looked over my shoulder and saw that Adrian looked sad and the worry was back.

"I will, promise. Bye Adrian."

"Bye Sunshine.", I turned around on my heels.

"What did you just call me? Sunshine?", I was in shock. I hated nicknames.

"Yeah. Sorry, I shouldn't have said that but I like it. It's fitting.", He looked at me with sincere eyes.

"But _why? _I don't need another nickname.", suddenly I was getting angry.

"Because it suits you.", He looked up at the closest vase of sunflowers and absently touched the petals on one of them.

"Well you gotta stop. I don't want another nickname. It's stupid.", with that I stormed off and drove back to Amberwood with my feelings in a tangled mess in my chest. Anger. Regret. Sadness. Worry. And most of all; Longing.


	4. Chapter 4

After a few hours of searching we hadn't found anything more but the shoe. Eddie had too go back to his building before curfew and me and Angeline made a quick run through of what we knew. Eddie had called Court straight after the searching was done and I had called Donna Stanton on my way back from Adrian's. Rose and some other guardians were coming the next day to aid us and search further from school. Adrian had texted me and told me that he couldn't get a hold of Jill but was gonna keep trying all through the night. Everything was organized and I decided to try and catch some sleep even though it probably would be hard with the horrible feeling of worry and fear twisting in my stomach. I was a torn apart mess. Jill was like a little sister to me. She'd grown to matter as much as my real little sister Zoe did to me. I just hoped she was okay. After an hour or so twisting and turning in bed and analyzing every possible scenario I finally drifted into a dreamless sleep.

I woke up in the morning with a feeling of relief for once. My worry and anxiety had exhausted me to the point that I didn't dream and therefore didn't wake up with my heart in my throat and tears on my face. The day seemed brighter than any day had been since that fatal time when everything fell apart but it didn't last long. I suddenly remembered why I had been so worried and my day grew dark and familiar again. Jill. I checked my phone to see if I had gotten a message or a call while being sound asleep but the screen on my phone stared blankly back at me. No news. That was bad. Bad news were always better than no news and at this point I just couldn't take the fact that we were clueless about what had happened. The know-it-all part of me was really irritated that I hadn't figured out a theory yet. It all seemed so weird. How could someone walk in our dorm, snatch a teenage girl - who obviously struggled if we believed the shoe - a few meters from my room and then walk out and disappear without a trace? If they drugged Jill they would have to carry her out and that would not go by unseen in our small lobby. The pieces just didn't add up. I had the strange feeling that something wasn't right. Something was missing and it was something more than Jill. I hurried with my morning routine and stressed through the entire school day. Sometime around lunch I got a text from Eddie saying that Rose and the guardians had arrived and were searching the grounds. For a second I felt relief before my despair returned. Adrian kept me posted about his attempts for spirit dreams and I received a text telling me that she probably was drugged which made spirit dreams impossible, but Adrian told me that he wouldn't stop trying. He was gonna take a quick break to recharge and then jump at it again. It felt good talking to Adrian again and not feeling such an emotional mess whenever I thought of him. Jill's disappearance had brought out our will to work past our own emotions and stay focused at our target. We were forced to work together and put all personal matter aside for the time being. Everything went by in a blur until the school day finally was over and me, Eddie and Angeline were going to Clarence's to meet up with Rose and the guardians and share clues and leads. When I got to the car Eddie and Angeline were already there. That surprised me since I'd almost ran there as soon as I got off from school. I unlocked Latte and we all climbed in in silence. I drove to Clarence's as fast as the traffic laws allowed and was not surprised to see Adrian's car parked up front. We all rushed in and got greeted in the hall by Dorothy, Clarence's housekeeper and feeder. We got shown into the living room where Rose, Clarence, Adrian and about five guardians where talking to each other loudly. Upon our entrance some looked up and Adrian and Rose practically ran to us.

"Did you and the guardians find anything?", Eddie was quick to get his answers.

"Nothing.", Rose looked really sad and tired.

"How is the spirit dreams going?", I was next in line to get my own answers.

"Bad I'm afraid. Can't get a hold of her. I'll try some more in a couple of minutes.", Both me and Adrian locked our gazes for a second and I saw a quick flash of longing before we both returned to professionalism and moved on. We got a quick presentation of our new guardian friends and then everyone went silent and Rose took command.

"Okay people, here's the deal; Jill's been gone for over twenty-four hours and we need to step up our game. Our only clue is a single shoe dropped in her dorm building and honestly that isn't very much to go on. I suggest we make a plan of action.", She spoke loud and clear. "My proposal is that we focus on contacting her through spirit dreams via Adrian. If we get any leads us guardians should investigate those. I also suggest that we should start to think about possible bad guys that might have taken her. Strigoi isn't the only option here guys."

"What is my task here?", I asked Rose directly.

"Your task is to talk to the alchemists, are they sending any backup? Do the have any leads? Etc.", Rose spoke to me and then directed her gaze to the guardians in the room. "I suggest we all take another search around the school and also that we try to broaden our search a bit.", She pulled out a map and spread it on the coffee table. She started making plans with the guardians and assigning areas while I stood in a corner and felt useless. I'd already done my part. I had talked to Donna and the alchemists and they'd said that they didn't know anything. I went to the kitchen and got a can of diet pop and hopped up on a bench. My mind started working up possible scenarios about the kidnapping, or in worst case, murder. When I was in the middle of a pretty horrible thought of how she could be dead at this point Adrian strolled in the room. He nodded at me and then went straight to the fridge. I nodded back a second to late and kept my eyes on his back. It was hard being in Clarence's kitchen with him again. A part of me wanted to break down in tears while another part of me wanted to hug him. He turned around and I quickly moved my gaze to the can in my hand. He leaned against the bench to my right and for a moment we just were there in silence. Both refused looking at each other. After a couple of minutes of strained silence Adrian finally spoke up.

"I'm sorry about the other day. I was a jerk.", I saw from the corner of my eye how he looked up from his feet and stared at my cheek for a second before returning his gaze to the floor.

"I'm sorry for everything.", I said. I looked up at the ceiling and blinked away some escaping tears.

"You have nothing to be sorry for. It wasn't you who acted like an asshole when you didn't get what you wanted."

"Adrian-"

"It's true. Even though I am a spoiled brat and an asshole normally it doesn't give me the right to act like that towards people I care for.", We both looked at each other at the same time and locked our gazes for a moment. I got lost in his wonderful green eyes and when we finally broke apart I felt cold and sad.

"I never thought you acted like that.", I put away my can on the bench next to me and started picking with the hem of my blouse. My feelings were all over the place. I didn't know if I was happy that we talked normally or sad that we slipped into this subject.

"I sure did and you know that. No point denying it Sage."

"I thought you had every right to act like that. I mean, why wouldn't you? I pushed you away."

"No you didn't. We were in it together, okay? I pushed you and you took a step back. It's a natural reaction Sage, no need to worry about it.", He turned his head toward me but I didn't want to look at him and let my face betray my feelings. I was so sad. So sad that he beat himself up about this, sad that he thought it was all his fault.

"Natural or not natural, It was my fault.", I said it with my most stern tone to mark that I meant it and I didn't accept any discussions about it.

"I'm going to agree with you for the sake of not wanting a fight, but you're still wrong. Now let's change the subject, shall we? I've had it with sadness today. Stupid little Jailbat, getting herself kidnapped.", I looked at him while he spoke and his face went from sad to really worried. It seemed like we were in the same emotional roller-coaster at the moment.

"Yeah, I feel awful about that. How did I miss her? She must have been snatched right outside my door while I was in the room but I didn't even notice!", I went from sad to worried to frustrated. How did I miss a kidnapping that took place right outside my door? That was really bad of me. They must have drugged her so that she couldn't scream or something.

"You can't blame yourself for _that. _She was frickin kidnapped. Obviously by someone strong since that weirdo must have been _carrying_ her out from your dorm. Heck, if you would've heard something and rushed to the rescue you would probably be kidnapped now too.", He looked at me with fire in his eyes.

"Yeah maybe. But I could've done something. Like ran and got Angeline so we could follow the kidnapper or something. Anything.", I was disappointed in myself. I knew it wasn't my fault but I still couldn't shake the feeling that I should have noticed something while the kidnapping was ongoing. How did they snatch her without leaving a trace? Something about this wasn't right.

"Not to be rude or anything but you probably would've been helpless. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go and work my spirit mojo. Bye Sunshine.", He walked out of the kitchen and I followed him with my eyes. I still didn't like that new nickname of mine.


	5. Chapter 5

The next day we were still clueless. The principal wondered were Jill were and I had to pull an emergency lie and tell the school that our grandfather died and that Jill was really upset and had left in short notice to go to our parents. Our principal didn't really buy that and wanted our so called "Parents" to call him immediately. I assured him they would. Great. Another cloud of trouble darkening my day. I made a mental note to pass this information along to Donna Stanton so that she could pose as our mother. I was starting to hate this charade. At lunch Adrian suddenly called me and I hurried to pick up.

"I got through! She's fine, thank god!", Adrian was screaming at the other end.

"Adrian stop screaming, you're hurting my eardrums. What was she able to tell you?", I asked calmly even though my heart was pounding. Finally a breakthrough!

"She said that she didn't know who took her. She'd been out until recently by some drug she thinks. She doesn't remember anything after telling Angeline that she was going to see you. She told me that all she knew was that she was in a dark room. No windows and only one door.", Adrian got professional and burned through the details.

"Strange. Does she know how they drugged her? Did they put a cloth of chloroform to her mouth? Did they inject it with a needle? Anything.", My mind was working in overdrive. If I just knew the drug then maybe I could be of use somehow.

"She didn't know, she said that her arm hurt a little but it doesn't mean they injected her through a needle.", He sounded like his mind was in overdrive too.

"You're right. It could be anything.", I murmured with disappointment filling my words. "Have you told Rose about all this?", I suddenly remembered our self-proclaimed leader.

"No I haven't. My first instinct was to call you.", We both went silent after that revelation. My thoughts and feeling were racing. I was his first instinct. He thought of me first after learning something crucial about Jill's disappearance. I didn't now if I was happy or sad. Everything was just a big mix of feelings and thoughts and memories. After a few minutes when both of us was thinking I heard the chiming from the school bell. "Adrian I have too go. I have classes to attend. Tell Rose everything and we will talk more when I come over after school. Bye."

"Bye Sunshine."

Stupid nickname.

When the school day was over I drove Eddie and Angeline to Clarence's for a guardian meeting. After dropping them off I headed over to Adrian to get the full details of his spirit dream. Once again I froze in the car outside his apartment. I killed the engine and stared towards his apartment and suddenly I was filled with fear. Pure fear. Why was I doing this to myself? Why did I keep tricking myself into finding ways to just be _near _him? I was playing with fire and I knew that. I wasn't completely neutral towards him exactly. I kept picturing myself and him as a couple. I kept seeing myself kissing a _vampire _in my thoughts. This was wrong. So wrong. _This isn't about __**you. **__This is about Jill, stop thinking about yourself and become the professional alchemist you are. It's not __**your**__ life that could be one the line here.'_The voice in my mind was becoming aggressive. But, it had a point. This wasn't about _me. _I wasn't here because of anything else than the fact that Jill was gone and that Adrian had valuable information to our investigation. That's it. Pull it together Sydney. I rushed to his door and knocked. Adrian was quick to answer the door and I stepped inside before I got cold feet and ran. Once again I was shocked by the sunflowers covering everything. It seemed like there were more of them this time but I wasn't certain. The room was so yellow that I almost wanted to shield my eyes.

"Tell me everything. Every little detail from your conversation.", I turned around and looked at Adrian while talking. He picked up a flower and started pulling of the petals of it before opening his mouth.

"We were here in the apartment when talking. Jill looked tired and had some bruises on her arms and also one one her cheek. She told me that she probably had been drugged and captured because when she woke up she was in a small room without any windows and only one door. ", The flower was nearly naked now. "There was a small lamp in the ceiling that gave her little light but without it it would've been pitch black. She told me that she was awake for what she thought was several hours, just waiting for a sound or for someone to reveal why she was there. Eventually she grew tired and went to sleep and that's when I got in contact with her. That was it. She had nothing else to say.", He tossed the rest of the flower and the petals on the floor and he made his way to the couch where he sat down and put his head in his hands. I followed and sat down next to him with my own hands in my lap.

"She was _drugged _and _hurt. _We don't even have a lead on where she might be. She looked so scared Sage. She cried. I promised we were going to rescue her. I just hope I can keep that promise.", He stared down at the floor and I made an awkward attempt at patting his back reassuringly.

"We _will _rescue her. Just you wait, soon we'll have a breakthrough, I'm sure of it.", I stilled my hand and let it lie against his back. Adrian looked up at me with sad eyes.

"I guess I'll have to trust you, You're never wrong since you're a super smart alchemist.", He flashed a smile but it only looked misplaced and broken. He was so sad. I felt his pain and his worry and it mirrored my own. I was worried for Jill too but not in the same way as Adrian. He had already watched Jill die once, I couldn't imagine what would happen if he saw it again.

"You shouldn't trust me just because I'm an alchemist, you should trust me because I'm Sydney.", I placed both of my hands in my lap again and looked at them.

"I know. It's just easier to picture you as an alchemist than picturing you as my Sage, and, quite frankly, you're not my Sage anymore.", I felt him leaning back against the back of the couch. That revelation startled me. He got through our whole mess with the kiss by picturing me as just another alchemist. I wasn't Sage in his eyes, I was a random alchemist who happened to have stabbed him in his heart and then walked away. It made me sad. I was a different person in his eyes. I wasn't _me. _

"I'm sad to hear that. I would rather be seen as Sydney than as someone I'm not. There is more to me than my alchemist training."

"Yeah but nowadays all I see is the alchemist in you. You've lost yourself somewhere on the way. Heck, I'm not even sure that you know who you are.", That last sentence really hit me. I _didn't _know who I was. Not entirely. Obviously I wasn't the perfect alchemist my father had raised, in that case I would never even become friends with the vampires and dhampirs here. I would've kept my distant and handled everything like a professional. But I hadn't. I had grown to admire my new friends, and in one case I had grown to love one. I was in love with a vampire and best friends with other creatures of the night. It shocked me that Adrian knew things about me that I hardly knew about myself. I knew me better than I did.

"You're right. I don't. But I'm trying to work that out.", I stared at a vase of flowers on the coffee-table. They were really beautiful. I got up from the couch and looked at Adrian. "I need to go.", I didn't know _where _to go, I just knew that I needed to go now. I was on the verge of crying. Something about my acceptance that I didn't knew who I was just broke all my walls inside of me. This past week had been too emotional. I was just about to hurry out when Adrian got up from the couch and without a word hugged me tight. I froze. My arms hanged by my sides and I was in shock.

"It's okay Sydney. You just looked so devastated.", He didn't let go. I could smell everything that was him. I felt his heartbeat and his warmth. I was in heaven. I lifted my arms and hugged him back and soon tears began to silently fall from my eyes and make his shirt wet. We stood there, in the midst of all the yellow sunflowers, holding each other. Eventually I ran out of tears but he didn't let go. We must have stood there for at least a half-hour before we released each other and I took a step back. We stared at each other for a long time before I couldn't take it anymore and left quickly. When I was outside the apartment building I looked back and got a sensation of deja-vú. Adrian stood leaning against the door frame, just like that time not long ago, except this time he didn't look heartbroken. He looked almost happy. Like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. I didn't feel the same as last time either. I felt lighter than I had in days, the dark clouds that always seemed to hover over me were fewer and I was almost happy. I could still smell him. He smelled like home.


	6. Chapter 6

I went straight to Clarence's after my visit to Adrian's. Well there I almost got jumped at the door.

"Is your phone on _silent _or something?! GOD.", Rose met me in the door and she seemed anxious.

"I must have forgotten it at school. Have something happened?", I looked at Rose and even before she said something I tensed and got calmer at the same time.

"We have a lead."

"We do?! Have you called Adrian?", I was in shock.

"Yes I did, he's on his way. We have a plan inside, let's go.", Both me and Rose rushed inside where all the other guardians were gathered around the same map as the day before. They all looked up when we walked in but Rose passed them and instead sat down in the couch and gestured for me to sit beside her. She pulled out her phone and showed me a video from a security camera that showed how two persons in dark clothing and hoodies carried an unconscious Jill out of the door in our dorm at Amberwood.

"Why didn't we check the security cameras until _now? _That should've been our first instinct.", I was happy that we finally had a lead but angry that it took so long.

"We didn't even know they had cameras there. But this is good, Adrian told me that he had had contact with her and now we know how they got her out. We just need to know _how _excactly they managed to walk straight past the matron and all the students while _carrying _a teenager. Something isn't right, they must have had help. All we have to do is to figure out who they are and where Jill is.", Rose sounded confident. "It's only a matter of time until we find her."

"I sure hope so.", I muttered. Right then Adrian stormed in and Rose showed the video to him. He reacted with excitement and seemed relieved that they had more to go on now. He and Rose talked a bit and I kept glancing at him. I couldn't help myself. I noticed that he would occasionally glance at me too. Rose went over to the map at the table as soon as she was done talking and me and Adrian sat in the couch in an awkward silence. I was relieved when Clarence came over and sat between us.

"How are you young people?", he asked. Adrian was the fastest to answer.

"Worried about Jill. I think I'm gonna go and try some spirit dreaming again.", Clarence nodded and Adrian walked away. The old man didn't seem as crazy as usual. A new amount of clearness was in his eyes.

"How about you Sydney? How are you? You have been sad lately.", Something about him made me feel like I wanted to share my whole life story with him. It felt like I could open up without him judging me.

"I still am, but not as much. Something great happened today. It made me happy. But it didn't fix things or work things out and I'm still worried about Jill.", I looked at him and he met me with a steady gaze. I looked down at my lap.

"Did you talk with Adrian about what happened between you?", I jerked my head up so fast that it felt like it was gonna snap from my neck.

"How do know about what happened between us?", I was in shock. Clarence just chuckled.

"Don't count me off as crazy that fast young lady, I see everything and I've done everything before. I'm an old man! I can see that something happened between you and it ended badly. Both of you have been really sad and angry I think. And the looks you give each other, it wasn't very difficult to figure out.", He looked at me with a smile on his face.

"If you knew, how come you haven't said anything until now?", I was curious.

"It never seemed appropriate, but it do now. I don't know what went bad between you but I guess it's your little alchemist profession that stood in the way. All I can say to you, young miss Sydney, is that you should take a chance. Let loose, live a little.", With that he walked away. It felt strange getting relationship advice from a man I'd ruled out as crazy long ago. He had seen everything and figured out the whole situation, even before Eddie or Angeline. It was a weird twist of events and I felt confused and kind of baffled. Fighting the urge to laugh, I walked over to the guardians. They were still bent over the map and they were discussing different areas where Jill could be.

"How's it going?", I asked one of the newcomers, his name was Fred and he looked like he was in his mid-thirties. He had blonde short hair and blue eyes.

"Not good. We don't have a specific area and we don't have any possible kidnappers. Even with the video the situation looks grim.", He turned towards two other newcomers and threw himself in a discussion about the possibility of the kidnappers being strigoi. But they couldn't be strigoi. Strigoi couldn't step outside in sunlight, they would burn, who else could've kidnapped her? It could be the warriors of course, but they wouldn't stuff Jill in a dark room. And they wouldn't attack us after the last time. They had moved on, right? I couldn't wrap my mind around this and it drove me crazy. Just then, when I was in the middle of coming up with plausible theories, Adrian came back.

"Guys, I have news.", He seemed confused. "Jill told me that her captors were human. They told her that there's a bidding going on, a bidding on which group that will have the honor of killing her.", Adrian was paler than usual. He slumped down on the couch and stared straight out in the air.

"So they're auctioning her out?", Rose dared a question to the devastated spirit-user.

"Yes. She overheard them talking about a lot of different groups. People who wants to take down Lissa.", He sighed and leaned back against the couch, still staring straight ahead. I took a risk and sat down next to him. I put a hand on his knee to comfort him and I saw how his whole body jerked in surprise. I patted him carefully and looked at him.

"Breathe.", That was all I had to say. He calmed down and the color started to return to his face.

"Did she overhear something that can help us find out where she is?", I spoke calmly. Adrian was near shock. He cared so much for Jill.

"I didn't ask but she told me that she heard traffic. A lot of it. It didn't sound like normal traffic either, but more like trucks or something.", He sighed.

"A truck stop maybe? Or at least nearby one?", I was hesitant. What if we didn't find the right place in time? What if she got sold and killed?

"That might be a possibility. I'll check the map for it.", Rose went over to the map and started circling places. It didn't seem like there was many of them but it didn't seem like there only was a few either.

"There is a few.", Rose muttered. "Some we can rule out right away because they're right by the highway and there's no houses there that you can hide a girl in. Rose hummed and looked deep in thought and when I looked over to Adrian I saw that he was asleep. I removed my hand from his knee. He looked kind of peaceful while sleeping, but not quite. Suddenly he opened his eyes and sat up straight.

"I know where she is. I visited her and she told me that the dumb asses that's holding her captive accidentally spilled their location.", He went straight to the map and looked at it for a second before circling a house next to a truck stop. "She's in there. She doesn't know have many people are in the house but probably a lot since they're negotiating with some dangerous groups."

"If they're all humans they will most likely carry guns.", I pointed out the obvious.

"What if some aren't human? What if they are co-operating with someone?", Rose pointed out. "We should prepare for everything.", She added. Everyone in the room agreed and Eddie and Rose started planning how we would do this. I sat still next to Adrian and when I saw him drift away into something that looked like temporary insanity I absently took his hand and held it tight between mine. He looked at me and I looked at him. In that moment, in that _look, _hundreds of unspoken words flew between us. It was like a silent agreement that we would work things out and at least be friends after this whole experience. We stared at each other until we heard someone clearing their throat next to us. It was Angeline and her eyes darted between me and Adrian while she tried really hard fighting away a smile. Her eyes were big in surprise and I let go of Adrian's hands and put mine in my lap. Adrian put both his hands behind his neck and leaned backwards onto the back of the couch, grinning. My own face felt hot and I was pretty sure that I was blushing quite a lot. Eddie and Rose seemed to have made a plan and we all looked at them to find out our different assignments. Eddie took charge and started speaking:

"Here's what we're gonna do; First and foremost we need a better view of how the house is built. We need inside information. Angeline, we need you to talk your way in. Do whatever as long as they take you in and you can get a better view of the amount of guards and how the house is built up. We're gonna hide a small camera on you so we can see everything you see.", Angeline nodded. "That's where we need help from you and the alchemists Sydney. We need a camera that isn't easily spotted. Think you can fix one?", He looked at me.

"Yes, I think I can."

"Okay, next, we're gonna hide nearby the house and when we've gathered enough information from Angeline we're gonna storm in. We might need a distraction if we're gonna sneak through the back door or something and that's where we could use your help Sydney.", He looked at me again. Dead serious.

"Me? How am I gonna distract them?", I was surprised and nervous.

"We were thinking that you could knock on the door and pose as someone who represents a group that wants to put a bid on Jill. Talk about the alchemists, spark their interest. Something. It shouldn't be dangerous but you will have a guardian with you.", Eddie meant business. Suddenly Adrian spoke:

"Nope. Never. I will not allow you putting a defenseless alchemist in the line of fire.", I was shocked. Again.

"I'm not defenseless. Besides, I will have protection. I'm willing to do whatever to get Jill back safe and unharmed.", I was not going to let him decide my life.

"You could still be hurt. You shouldn't be there at all.", He looked at me.

"She wont get hurt Adrian, I can go with her.", Rose said.

"That's not really a guarantee that she wont be harmed.", Adrian mumbled.

"Excuse me?", Rose put her hands on her hips and looked pissed. "What did you just say?", she stared him down. I heard Adrian take a breath and prepare for an argument when I interrupted.

"I will do it, okay? I don't care what you say Adrian. It's my life and my decision. If it will help Jill then I will do it. End of story.", I got up from the couch and walked to a window to cool off.

"Great, now that that's settled, let's talk about the rest of the plan.", Eddie took command again. "If we're gonna go in through the back and a distraction is needed, Sydney will do it and Rose will be there with her. When we get in we're gonna split up depending on how the house looks like inside. One group will be assigned to search the house for Jill while the others will take care of the captors. We will most likely need to fight our way in and they are most likely carrying guns if they're all human. Knock them unconscious but don't kill them. We will have an hour, starting now, to prepare. Adrian, we want you to stay here and rest. We might need healing when we're back.", With that Eddie left and so did most of the guardians. Myself, Adrian and Rose were left in the room in the end and Adrian kept shooting angry glances at Rose. Rose just turned to me and spoke:

"Can we talk in private?"

"Um, sure.", I said and we walked outside. We walked until we were by Latte and there we stopped. Rose studied me in silence for a second with narrowed eyes.

"What?", I finally said after being scrutinized for a minute or two.

"Care to tell me what's going on with you and Adrian?", She crossed her arms over her chest.

"Nothing. Nothing's going on.", I saw her doubting look and added; "I mean it.", I put on a stern look and prayed that she wouldn't press me for details.

"You keep telling yourself that.", Rose looked amused.

"But there isn't anything going on! I promise!", I didn't know if I was convincing myself or Rose. How could she even have noticed anything? The dhampirs had had a week too notice anything strange but they hadn't. Rose had had two days. She was good.

"Whatever makes you feel better about yourself. You can't fool Rose Hathaway, I _notice _things. And, I've dated that guy before. Keep that in mind.", She walked away with a smile on her face.

"I'm telling the truth!", I shouted at her back and she just waved. I stared at her back until she was inside and then I started moving. When I finally was inside it didn't take long until Eddie and all the others returned. We started walking to the cars but before I even made it out the front door I got grabbed from behind. Adrian turned me and gave me a big hug before letting me go and nudging me towards the door again.

"Bye Sunshine, bring home Jailbat for me and don't get hurt.", He looked sad.

"I promise.", I whispered before hurrying out. I was starting to feel okay with my new nickname.


	7. Chapter 7

We took a quick swing past an alchemist and borrowed some gadgets before heading out to the house Jill was in. We parked a few blocks away and Angeline set off on foot to the house. The house looked like any other normal house. It looked like it was two floors and it was white. It had a driveway and a path leading up to the porch and the door which was pretty big. We watched Angeline flirt her way in since it was a pretty young boy who opened the door. She even made him show her around and got a clear view of the house. There wasn't that many guards. Eight downstairs and two upstairs that were guarding a door which we presumed was the door to the room Jill were in. After confirming that it had a backdoor we made our way there. We hid in an alleyway a few houses away and when me and Rose got our signal we walked up to the door. The plan was that we would pull some kind of stunt and lure as many people to the door as possible so we could try and sneak Jill out of harms way before we tackled the people. Here it was, my time to shine. Rose I knocked pretty hard and the same guy that greeted Angeline opened the door for us.

"What do you want?", He asked. He was kind of rude.

"Where is he?", I demanded. I put on a false mask of anger.

"Who?", He looked confused.

"Randy. Her jerk for a boyfriend", Rose played her part well. I prayed that nobody in there was named Randy. That would blow up our plan.

"There is no Randy in here. I have to ask you two to leave.", He started shutting the door but I quickly put a foot inside.

"He HAS to be here. He told me he lived here.", I threw in some panic in my voice. "Are you _hiding_ him?", I narrowed my eyes in suspicion. "Are you protecting him from me?! I need to see him now! We were _supposed _to have a date and he was _supposed _to call me!", By this point I was screaming and a few persons had come over to see what the commotion was all about.

"Lady, there is no Randy _here. _I promise, can you please _leave?_", The guy was a bit panicked by my screaming and weird behavior. I felt the adrenaline pumping.

"But he _has _to be here! Where else would he be?! With another _girl_?! Are you implying that he is _cheating _on me?!", I screamed straight to his face.

"Stop hiding him or else I might have to break that little face of yours for HURTING my FRIEND!", Rose was really intimidating.

"No I'm not! I don't even know who you're talking about. Can you please _leave _now?", He was frustrated and panicked. Even more people came to the door. I shoveled the guy aside and pushed myself into a living room where I found Angeline. An idea struck me and I mouthed to Angeline to follow my lead.

"Where is Randy?", I said to Angeline.

"Who is Randy?", She countered.

"My _boyfriend. _He lives here. Where is he?", I made a dramatic turn on my heels and stood face to face with the guy that opened the door.

"Who is this skank?", Rose pointed to Angeline. I should really start an acting career after this.

"I don't..", The guy started but he got interrupted by Angeline who screamed; "SKANK? Oh hell no.", and started to make her way to us. By this point all the guards were in the room. Or so I thought.

"It's a trap! People are breaking in!", A guard came running from the back door. "They beat down Kenny.", Suddenly everyone in the room had a gun in their hand and they were pointing them to our heads. I put my hands up in the air to show that I was unarmed. I could hear the other guardians fighting off everybody that was sent their way but I played it cool. I didn't want to get a bullet in my brain. Suddenly both Rose and Angeline had swatted the guns away and beaten down the owners of them. Left was me and the guy who opened the door. He still pointed the gun to me and seemed oddly calm.

"Everybody take it easy now or else this little blondie will get a bullet through her temple.", He walked up behind me and put the gun against my head. I could hear that the fighting was still going strong and I heard some bullets firing. I was starting to panic.

"We're taking it slow. Just don't hurt her.", Rose acted as a negotiator.

"I don't want to hurt her. But right now it seems like I have to. Why don't you go ask you're little pals to calm down and come in here for a second?", I could hear him laugh under his breath. he was actually enjoying this. I could see how Rose went to stop the fighting. Eddie and all the other guardians came in with their hands on their heads and five guards walking behind them with guns in their hands.

"So, you're friends of the little princess upstairs? She's worth a lot of money you know.", He seemed to young to be showing this kind of evil. He seemed rotten to the core. He waited for an answer and when he didn't get any he just chuckled. Suddenly someone else walked in and caught everyone's attention. It was a moroi, a female. She had long blonde hair that was impeccably straight and really dark eyes. Almost black. She was cute but something about her was off. I couldn't put my finger on what it was but it made her seem rough. Like you would get cuts on your hands if you touched her. I didn't recognize her and it seemed like nobody else in my group did either.

"Eric, what's going on here?", She seemed angry and when she walked past a plant, it sprung to life. I got shocked. She was a spirit user. The pieces started to fall into place in my mind. A moroi. They got in without leaving a trace. Spirit users could do strong compulsion. She convinced the people in the lobby that they weren't at all there or carrying a unconscious teenage girl. She helped them in and out of the building.

"They were trying to save the girl. Bad luck for them that we didn't fall for their tricks.", The guy, who I now knew was called Eric said.

"Just, get rid of them.", The moroi rubbed her temples and shut her eyes. It seemed like she had a headache and it didn't surprise me. "I'm leaving. Handle this without upsetting the buyers like the last time.", She went straight out the door and my mind started working. The last time? That meant that they either had other buyers to Jill before the ones that was coming now or they had sold another moroi before. The realization startled me. They kidnapped and sold people for a living. They were horrible people and I was surprised that I as an alchemist hadn't heard about them before. How did they stay hidden?

"I thought guardians were tougher. Good acting by you girls though, really impressive. I almost bought it.", He sounded like he was smiling there behind my back. But you, little blondie, isn't a dhampir. Correct?", Eric seemed so happy. Why? Did he enjoy threatening girls for their life?

"Correct.", I muttered.

"Then what are you? I can bet that this little tattoo of yours has something to do with it.", He sounded triumphant all of a sudden. "Oh yeah, this tattoo means that you are an alchemist. Right. I didn't know you got involved in vampire business.", He waited for me to say something but I stayed silent. "I'm so happy that you all are here at this time. The buyers are on their way here to get the little princess. Why don't blondie here come along upstairs. I bet you want to see her again before we ship her off for slaughter.", He started nudging me to the stairs and I reluctantly started walking. "Keep them in check!", He shouted to his co-workers before we headed upstairs. The closet she was in was just next to the stairs and I stood with my back towards them. He unlocked the door and opened. Jill looked tired and had bags under her eyes. She looked like she hadn't eaten since the kidnapping. She shielded her eyes against the light flooding in from the door. At first she lit up when she saw me but then she noticed the gun and her face looked shocked instead.

"I assume you know each other? Am I right? To bad for you blondie. This will be the last time you'll see little princess here. She's being shipped off to the slaughter house in about an hour.", He chuckled to himself. Jill looked scared and I felt hopeless. I went forward and hugged Jill tight and we both started crying.

_"We will get you out safe. Promise", _I whispered to Jill before being yanked away.

"Enough with the cuddles.", He pushed Jill down on the floor in the closet again and slammed the door. He locked it quickly and that's when everything started to go in slow-motion. We heard commotion downstairs and we both turned so we stood at the top of the stairs facing down. Eddie came running from the living room and as soon as my captor saw him he pushed me hard in my back and started shooting at Eddie. Meanwhile I fell. I fell down the whole flight of stairs. I tumbled for what felt like hours. My mind kept saying 'Stop!' over and over again. I didn't know how to slow down and when I finally reached the end of the stairs I sighed in relief. That's when I felt the throbbing pain against my head. And my legs. And my spine. And my stomach. I tried reaching towards my head but suddenly I couldn't move. Everything hurt. I wanted to scream out in agony but i couldn't open my mouth. I noticed that I couldn't hear either. I saw the commotion happening everywhere and I saw Rose run towards me and kneel by my side before I blinked and lost the ability to open my eyes again. I sank down in a velvety blackness where all my pains disappeared. I felt relieved.


	8. Chapter 8

Everything was black. Soft, cozy black. Suddenly something sparked in the distance and I walked towards it. The light grew bigger and bigger. It was beautiful. I wanted to touch it but something told me not to.

"Sage!", I heard Adrian call.

"Adrian? Adrian! Where are you?", I called out into the soft darkness.

"Sage. Oh Sage.", He whispered. It sounded like he was crying but that made no sense.

"Adrian, I'm right here! Where are you?", Something else sparked in the opposite direction of the blinding light. I walked to the other spark and noticed that it was a hole in the velvety darkness. In the hole were a beautiful field filled with sunflowers. Beside it was a forest and a meadow where a picnic was set up. I climbed through the hole and went and smelled the flowers. They smelled like heaven. I noticed that I suddenly was wearing a pale yellow sundress and was barefoot. I made my way to the blanket and sat down. It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining and the sky was blue. I could hear birds in a distance and everything was perfect. Suddenly I saw someone walking towards me from the edge of the field. The sun blinded me so I squinted my eyes and put my hand up shielding them. My heart almost stopped. Adrian came walking towards me, grinning. Adrian in a ridiculously good-looking gray v-neck and navy shorts. He waved and I got up and ran towards him. He caught me in an embrace and I giggled. Why did I do that?

"Hello Sunshine", he murmured in my ear.

"Hello Adrian. Do you know where we are?", I needed an answer to the most obvious question before I forgot.

"Of course I know. Don't you?", He looked at me expectantly.

"No.. Should I?", I was confused and all my thoughts seemed scattered somehow.

"I guess you shouldn't. You've never been here before after all. Let's forget about details, shall we? Let me just enjoy the sunshine and the picnic. And of course my private little Sunshine right here.", He smiled at me and released me from his embrace. He started dragging me along to the picnic when something hit me. Something wasn't right about this. What was wrong? What was bugging me?

"Adrian, you shouldn't be out in the sun. You're a moroi!", I was happy that I managed to pull my thoughts together long enough to remember that.

"Details Schmetails. I can do whatever I want.", He smiled again.

"But you could get hurt.", I was starting to worry for him. Why didn't he take this seriously.

"Calm down Sunshine. I've got it under control. Come here, let's have some lunch!", He pulled me down onto the blanket and I sat next to him.

"O-okay.", My mind scattered again. What were we talking about? I decided that it didn't matter and I took a peek inside the picnic basket. I picked up an apple which I started eating while Adrian grabbed a sandwich. We sat in silence for a while and I tried pulling together my thoughts again. Where were I again? How did I get here? I shook my head and looked over at Adrian. He was staring at my face with a loving look on his face. Wait, why was Adrian here?

"Why are you here?", I asked confused.

"It's our first date Sunshine.", He looked at me dead serious.

"Oh, okay. Sorry, I'm a little confused. It feels like I'm forgetting things.", I looked down at my lap. Was I really on my first date with Adrian?

"It's okay Sage, You're still cute.", He smiled. I could see the sun reflect in his hair. Wait.

"We shouldn't be in he sun. It can hurt you.", I suddenly remembered what was bugging me.

"Like I said before; I can do whatever I want. The sun wont hurt me.", He looked serious.

"But, how?", The know-it-all side of me took over.

"Can't tell, it's a secret.", He winked at me. Suddenly the sky went black and everything started to fade.

"What's happening?", I turned to look at Adrian but he was gone.

_"What am I supposed to do? Just sit here? No way, I want to do something. Why isn't my healing working on her?", I heard Adrian's voice. Wait, where was I? Where was he?_

_"I know. Yes I'm aware of that. I'm not stupid.", All I heard was Adrian. Who was he talking to?_

_"Stop making decisions for me Rose! You are not my mom. I know. I will help them. Just, leave me alone for a couple of minutes, okay? I just want to sit here with her? Okay? Good.", Adrian was obviously talking to Rose. That explained some things. But who was this girl they were talking about? Where was I? Nothing made sense._

Wait, where was I now? I looked around and noticed that I was in a huge ballroom. An orchestra was playing somewhere where I couldn't see them but the music could still be heard like a low humming. I looked down at myself and saw that I wore a floor length, red, dress. It was beautiful. It was like a princess gown. It was tight on my upper body but then flowed out in a huge skirt. I was also wearing white silk gloves that went all the way past my elbow and I could feel that my hair was in a complicated up-do of some sort. There were no mirrors in the room and no one else was there. Suddenly, a big door opened to my right and Adrian walked in wearing a stunning black suit. He went straight to me and took my hand and gave it a kiss.

"Sunshine.", he said.

"Adrian.", I replied. I was breathless. Everything was so beautiful and perfect.

"Can I have this dance?", He asked while straightening up.

"Of course", I replied. He took me in his arms and we started whirling around in a waltz around the dance floor. I felt like I was flying. He was such a good dancer. I suddenly got the feeling of my mind being scattered again but I fought it and stayed focused.

"Wonderful song, isn't it?", He suddenly asked. I listened carefully but couldn't really place the song. It just sounded like a low humming in my ears.

"I can't really hear, it sounds like humming.", I said.

"You're right, it does. Beautiful humming nonetheless.", he was talking strange. It was like I had been transported ninety years back in time.

"May I ask where we are?", I tried.

"Miss Sage, We are in a ballroom. Isn't it obvious?", He smiled.

"Yes, of course. But how did we get here?", I pushed for answers.

"Somethings are better of without an answer.", He replied and my mind scattered. Wait, how did I get here again? Why was I here? I decided that it didn't matter. I was whirling around on the dance floor with Adrian by my side. Nothing really mattered. Suddenly it felt like a lightning struck and everything went black once again.

_"Adrian, you need to eat at least. Just leave her for a couple of minutes and get some food. She will be alright.", I recognized Jill's voice. Why was she here? Why wasn't I in the ballroom? Wasn't we supposed to save her? Did she escape?_

_"I can't. What if something happens? I wont leave.", Adrian sounded tired._

_"You've been here for two day straight. You can't sit here forever.", Jill sounded tired too. Why wasn't I tired? Where was I?_

_"I wont have to sit here forever. She'll be fine soon. Just you wait and see.", He sounded confident but I noted the slightest trace of panic in his voice. Why couldn't I see him?_

_"Whatever you say. I'll just bring something up then.", Jill gave up and I heard her walk away. I could hear Adrian sigh and then it sounded like he was crying. Why was he crying? Who was the girl? Where was I? This was such a weird dream._

I spinned around the room with my arms straight out. I was in Adrian's apartment. Wait, how did I get here? I went around the room and sniffed on some sunflowers. They were really beautiful. When did he get these sunflowers? I picked one up which was laying alone next to a vase and put it among the others. I strolled over to the couch and sat down when something hit me; Where was Adrian? More importantly; why was I here? Something wasn't right. Wasn't we supposed to save someone? Right then Adrian walked in.

"Hello Sunshine.", He said and winked. I liked my nickname.

"Hello Adrian.", I said and smiled. My mind scattered once again. Wait, something was off. I wasn't supposed to smile to him. Something had gone wrong, we weren't like before. What had happened? My mind was all over the place. I couldn't remember anything except that he was Adrian and he was funny and cute. Adrian sat down next to me in the couch and put his arms on the back of it, his right arm behind my neck.

"Do you like my flowers?", He asked smiling.

"Yes, they're beautiful. But why do you have them?", I was curious.

"You haven't figured that out yet?", He raised an eyebrow. "I thought you would get that right away.", he muttered.

"I haven't.", I wrinkled my forehead. "Am I supposed to? Give me a clue?", I wanted to know.

"I can't. You have to figure this out on your own.", He smiled again.

"But I can't. Adrian, I keep forgetting things. I'm confused. What's happening to me?", I whined.

"I can't Sunshine. I can't tell you anything. You have to figure this out on your own.", He sounded sad. Suddenly he started singing some modern song I didn't quite recognize. It was a kind of slow song and it was beautiful. It was that kind of beautiful that made tears spring to my eyes and I wiped them away, embarrassed. I leaned my head against his shoulder and put my feet up in the couch. It felt good. It felt safe. I could smell him and feel his warmth. Suddenly Adrian stopped singing and the lights flickered out.

Everything was black once again. Comfortable black. Soft, warm black. It was like I was in a huge bed in the darkness. I never wanted to leave. Suddenly the bright light was back, calling for me. It was just as bright and big as the last time. It was beautiful and I felt drawn to it. Like a moth. I walked closer to it and reached out my arm when suddenly a loud beeping noise stopped me. What was that? It was too loud.

"Sage! Sunshine! Don't, just stay!", I heard Adrian scream. He was screaming nonsense.

"Adrian! Where are you?", I turned away from the light and called out into the darkness.

"Sage! Don't you dare leave me!", What was he talking about?

"Adrian! I'm not going anywhere! Where are you?", I was now pulling away from the light, one step at a time.

"Never leave me. Ever. Stay with me.", He sounded like he was crying. I didn't want him to cry.

"But I don't know where you are!", I looked around in the blackness but I couldn't see him. Suddenly a new light sparked on the other end of the blackness. This was beautiful to but not as bright. It felt warm. Like I could trust it.

"Sage, come back to me. You can't leave me alone.", I heard Adrian's voice coming from the other light. Trusting my instincts I went to it and stretched out my arm to touch it. Suddenly I was falling.


	9. Chapter 9

I could feel that I was lying in a bed but it couldn't be my bed at Amberwood, it didn't feel like it. Wait, why was everything so bright? I could feel it through my eyelids. I also felt someone leaning against my arm and squeezing my hand. I forced my eyes open and looked to my right. Adrian had his head against my arm and holding my hand. He was fast asleep. Where was I? I looked around and saw that I was in a small room with wooden floor, gray walls, a couch to my left, the bed I was in and three huge vases of sunflowers on my bedside table. Adrian was sitting in an armchair. The next thing I noticed was a beeping, and then I saw the machines attached to various places of my body. A heart monitor beeped to my left and I had an IV filled with some thick liquid attached to my right arm, right above Adrian's head. I looked down at myself and saw that one of my legs and my left arm was in casts and my upper body was wrapped in gauze. What had happened? The last thing I remembered was when we was at Clarence's and making a plan to save Jill. How did I end up here, hurt and with Adrian on my arm? I had so many questions but nobody who could answer them. I looked down at Adrian and everything else faded. He looked so peaceful. He had dark circles under his eyes and his hair was a mess. I wanted to stroke it out of his eyes but he was occupying my one good arm. I ended up just staring at him and memorizing how he looked in this moment. His face was so calm. He didn't look sad, worried or angry like he had done every time I'd seen him these past weeks. He looked like a sleeping baby and he was so sweet. I wanted to kiss him but instead I bit my lip and scolded myself. I couldn't. I _wouldn't. _Stop thinking like that Sydney. It can't happen. _But you wish it could, right? _The voice inside me whispered. Of course I would, I wanted it to happen so bad. In that moment I would have given up anything just to be with him forever. He was the one who I thought of every time I saw the color green. He was the one who always was present in the back of my mind. He was everything. Suddenly Rose walked in through the door at my right. When she saw that I was awake she gasped and ran to hug me. When she pulled back she had a huge smile on her face.

_"We didn't know when, and if, you would wake up."_, She whispered.

_"How long have I been out?"_, I was panicking.

_"For three days. Adrian hasn't left your side. Except for bathroom breaks of course. "_, She looked at him with admiration in her eyes. _"It's nice to see that he finally sleeps a little. He didn't sleep at all yesterday."_

_"He didn't? What even happened to me?"_, I looked her in the eyes.

_"The doctor said that you could have some memory loss."_, she sighed. _"What is the last thing you remember?"_, she looked at me expectantly.

_"I remember that we were at Clarence's making a plan to rescue Jill. We had found out her location. I remember that you and I went out and talked."_, I tried remembering more but everything was blank._"That's it."_, I sighed too.

_"Okay. After our talk we went to the house. We put up one hell of a show and almost fooled those suckers. One guard noticed our stunt and a guy held you hostage. He put a gun to your head and dragged you up to see Jill."_, She shook her head. _"Me and the others were downstairs with armed guards but we broke free. Eddie ran to the stairs to help you and that's when the son of a bitch who was dragging you around pushed you. You fell down the whole flight of stairs. It was not a pretty sight."_, She looked down at the floor and I saw tears glistening in her eyes.

_"Wow. What are my injures? I get that I have broken my leg and arm but what's with the gauze?"_, I needed some facts to calm down the fear that bubbled up inside me when I heard about my fall.

_"Um, the gauze on your chest is because you have four cracked ribs and then you also have gauze around your head since your skull got cracked. And you have a big wound on your forehead."_, She gave me a weak smile._"You're a real fighter. The doctor didn't think you would survive the coma."_

_"I almost died."_, I was speechless. I could've died three days ago. I instantly thought about Adrian and looked at him. He was still fast asleep and peaceful. What if I had died? How would Adrian have coped? He probably wouldn't cope. He would have gone insane. I looked back at Rose and saw that she looked back and forth between me and Adrian.

_"You're still holding on to that there's nothing going on between the two of you?"_, She asked with one eyebrow raised.

_"Yes, I've told you before and I'm telling you now, Nothing is 'going on' here. If there was, you would be one of the first to know."_

_"So what you're saying is that you're at least imagining that something is going on? I mean, you already have a priority list of people to tell about the two of you."_, she teased. I just rolled my eyes and winced when that hurt. I was in such bad shape. I felt Adrian move beside me and looked over at him. He opened his eyes and when he saw that I was awake he shot up and sat straight. He stared at me for several seconds with wide eyes. He rubbed his eyes and suddenly tears started making their way down his cheeks.

"Hello Adrian.", I looked at him and felt tears of my own on my face.

"Hello Sunshine.", Adrian said with a huge smile on his face. I sat up straight and reached out my arms for him to hug me. We sat there in our embrace with tears staining each other's clothes and we were just so blissfully happy. We heard Rose clear her throat beside us and we broke our embrace. Rose just smiled.

"I'm gonna go now.", She gestured to the door and left.

"I have been sitting here all the time. I thought you were going to die.", Adrian spoke.

"Yeah, Rose said that. So you never left? Really?", I looked at him.

"Nope. Well, except for bathroom breaks. But that's just something that has to be done.", He smiled.

"What did you do? Did you just stare into space or did you paint or something?", I had a hard time picturing Adrian just sitting still and watching my face for three days straight.

"I did lots of things. Sometimes I told you stories, sometimes I sang. I sketched some too. It was really relaxing, except for the fact that you were on the verge of dying.", He traced the lines in my palm with his free hand. I hadn't even noticed that he was holding one of my hands in his.

"You did all that? What stories did you tell?", I was now curious.

"I made them up. All on my own.", He looked proud.

"What were they about?", I smiled. He was like a little child.

"They mostly was about us and different beautiful locations. I told one about this ball where we both were. There were lots of people and I created a really magic feeling. I'm really proud of it. I think I nailed how people talked like ninety years ago. Disney should seriously considering hiring me as a story-writer.", He looked triumphant and something hit me. A ball. Ninety years ago. I had the strangest feeling of deja vú. Did I dream that or something?

"Tell me about another story.", I pressed, needing more information.

"Well, one was about a really nice summer day, the best thing was that I could be outside, in the sun, without being on the verge of dying. I wish I could do that in real life.", He drifted away and I thought hard. I had the same deja vú feeling about that story. Had I dreamed all his stories while being in coma? I suddenly got flashbacks and smiled for myself. Such beautiful dreams. Adrian looked like he was returning to me so I did the same. I could think about the dreams later. He still held one of my hands in his and it started to bother me. I shouldn't lead him on. I was still set on not dragging this any further. We had to stop believing that we could be together since we couldn't. It was wrong. Not only according to the alchemists but also according to the moroi society. A human and a moroi just couldn't be together. It was considered a taboo. I had to stop giving him false hopes. He looked at me and I looked away.

"What's wrong?", I heard him ask. I took a deep breath. Time to crush his hopes.

"This whole accident doesn't change anything between us. We can't be together.", I looked up at the ceiling and started thinking of equations to keep my feelings in check. I couldn't cry now and seem weak. I needed to be strong and show him that I'm not backing down, even though saying those words actually broke me inside. I turned my head toward him again and saw that he was staring at me. His eyes were wide with disbelief and shock and I hated it.

"You don't mean that.", He said with a sad tone of his voice.

"Yes I do. We have to end this, right here. Before it has a chance to start.", I was still doing the equations in the back of my mind. Nothing could break me.

"Too late.", He simply said and stormed out. I looked at the door he went through and felt numb. All the colors of the world seemed dimmed and I didn't even feel sad. All I felt was nothingness. I sat like that for a while before what I had done came back to me and I allowed my tears to start falling. The nothingness disappeared and I felt an overwhelming sadness and anger. I was angry at myself. Why did I keep doing this to myself? And to Adrian? I kept hurting the both of us, again and again. I put us both in misery. Suddenly I came to a realization. If I got re-assigned our problems would be solved. We wouldn't have to see each-other all the time and get reminded of our unhappiness. I wouldn't be able to hurt him. We would both be happier if we just got away from each-other. I needed to call Donna Stanton as soon as possible and ask to be re-assigned. It would be for the best. I felt satisfied that I had figured out such a smart solution to our problems. I would never have to face that hurt look in his eyes anymore. I wouldn't have to see him and know that I had destroyed his new-found happiness. I looked over at my right to the chair Adrian had been sitting in and remembered the flowers. I remembered the Adrian in my dream who had told me that I should've figured out what the flowers meant by now. I took one of them and stroked the yellow petals. They were so beautiful, like tiny suns. They lit up the room. Suddenly it hit me. I knew what they meant. Oh Adrian.


	10. Chapter 10

The next day I was still set on being re-assigned. I couldn't really go back to school in the nearest future either so my 'parents' had to call and tell the school that I needed some time off. After a generous donation to the school from my 'parents', the school stopped asking questions. I was still in my bed at Clarence's and were going to stay there for a while. I trusted Eddie with Latte so that he could take himself, Jill and Angeline back and forth every afternoon and visit me. They had come in to see me just fifteen minutes after Adrian stormed off. They had been really happy to see that I was awake and well and through Jill I learned that Adrian had took his car and driven away. Even though Jill smiled and seemed genuinely happy that I survived I could see that everything she did had a sad edge to it. I felt so sorry for her and that she always was so affected by Adrian. She's another person that kept getting hurt because of me. It wasn't fair. This wasn't _me. _At least I didn't think so. I hadn't quite figured out who this new Sydney was. The Sydney who hurt people without wanting to and who had fallen for an evil creature of the night. This Sydney was a monster and I didn't want to be her. If I just got re-assigned everything would be fine. I wouldn't hurt anyone anymore and I would forget about _him. _I would become the old Sydney. The Sydney who was great at her job and who focused on alchemy and alchemy only. That's the Sydney I knew and was used to. I just hoped that she was me.

Three and even four days passed without much happening. Adrian hadn't come back, but he would need to soon. After all, he was a vampire, and vampires needed blood. I shuddered. When I thought of Adrian like that I really believed that I could make it without him. He's a _vampire. _He was not natural. I was going to call Stanton about being re-assigned as soon as my broken bones were healed and I felt strong enough to move. Hopefully to another country. The further from Adrian, the better. The only thing that made me re-think my decision was whenever I saw a glimpse of yellow. It reminded me of the flowers. The flowers that Adrian was so obsessed with. And I knew why. I got all emotional whenever I was reminded of them. It was like everything stopped to matter and the center of my gravity was Adrian and those beautiful flowers who held so much meaning and hidden feelings. I had decided to confront him about them as soon as he came here so everyday I waited. I sat in the living room all day, every day. Just waiting to see him and to talk to him. The longer time that passed the more I started to re-think my decision. When he finally showed up for a feeding, I didn't know what to do after this was over. He showed up looking like a mess. His clothes were wrinkly and he had dark circles under his eyes. His hair was naturally messy and his whole presence was hilarious. I bit back my laughter and kept my calm. I needed to keep control of the situation. I waited until he was done feeding and stopped him before he darted out the door.

"I need to talk to you.", I blocked the door with the big wheelchair I was sitting in because of my injuries. I hated the wheelchair. I felt helpless and clumsy.

"We're done talking, you made that clear to me.", He refused to look me in the eyes

while I stared at his face.

"Now.", I simply said and he sighed and walked in the living room. He sat down in an armchair and I parked myself next to him. We were alone.

"Talk.", He said with a sharp edge on the word. I took a deep breath and started talking.

"I now what the sunflowers mean.", I looked at him and I saw how he flinched.

"They don't mean anything. They're just flowers.", He finally looked at me.

"They mean a lot, and you know that too.", I was not going to let him slither his way out of this.

"Okay, let's hear what you think that they mean.", He looked at me challenging.

"I _know _that they represent me and everything you wished we had. I _know _that they remind you of my aura. I _know _that you're obsessed with them when I'm absent.", I looked at him with a steady gaze. He turned his head away and looked at a wall. He didn't meet my eyes.

"You're wrong.", He said.

"I'm not. You know I'm right.", I was not backing down.

"Does it even matter? Is there a purpose for why you're rubbing this in my face? You said it yourself; We can't be together.", He turned his head and looked me in the eyes. His whole presence showed anger. Everything was anger. Not even a hint of his usual longing was left. Not one even remotely happy emotion played at the corners of his eyes. Anger had swallowed him and chased away all other emotions.

"It does matter. I don't want you to be hurt. I don't want to be this Sydney, this evil Sydney. That's why I'm going to ask to be re-assigned as soon as my bones are healed. I will move far from here and I'll never be able to hurt you ever again.", When those words left my mouth some of Adrian's earlier anger faded away and made room for a gleam of sadness. He didn't say a word. Just got up and simply walked out. It didn't matter that I called his name at his back and tried to catch up with him, when I was at the open front door he was already in his car. I heard the beautiful roar of the engine in his mustang when he drove away. A beautiful sound that wrecked my world. Was I really going to leave all my friends and the guy I loved? Was I strong enough to do that? I didn't know. I hoped I was. Suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder and I looked up. Clarence stood there and gazed out at the back of Adrian's car vanishing at the end of the street. When he was gone he silently pushed me inside and in to the living room. He sat down in the same armchair Adrian had been in just a few minutes ago and I parked myself in the same spot as before. We sat there in silence for a while until Clarence decided to talk.

"How are you?", He looked at me. He even dared a small smile. I felt empowered by that after Adrian's anger.

"Fine.", I wrinkled my forehead. "Or at least I think so. I don't even know anymore.", I sighed.

"And why is that?", He seemed curious.

"I don't know what I want. I don't even know who I am. Everything is just a mess.", It was true. My mind was a tangled mess of different emotions, desires, crossroads and decisions. I didn't know wrong from right, up from down. The only thing I knew was that I needed to get away from here. I needed to be re-assigned and I needed to forget all about my feelings. I needed to do what was best for most people. I needed to do what was _right. _Even though it broke my heart I needed to break Adrian once again. One last time and then this whole mess would be over and I could forget that this mistake even happened. I could move on with my life and make the alchemists and my family proud. It was all just a matter of strength. It wasn't what I wanted, but it was what I needed.

"Then you better figure it out. You can't live your life on somebody elses terms.", with that he walked away and left me alone contemplating my decision. He was right. I couldn't live it on somebody elses terms. But at the moment I couldn't live it on my own either. I was at a crossroad trying to decide which way to go. It was hard.


	11. Chapter 11

This time things didn't work out. Adrian didn't return to talk to me. I had company all the time but I felt so alone. There was a hole in my heart but I figured that as soon as I got away from this place, it would get better. I could forget about all this and focus on finding myself and keep being a good alchemist. Nothing would stop me. No distractions, no hurt looks lingering on me, no problems. I would be alone and I would do my job. That was what I did best. The day came when I was fully healed and made the phone call. Stanton was surprised at first and asked for a reason. I lied and said that I was feeling bothered with being among the dhampirs and moroi all the time. She understood, even though she sounded skeptical, and said that she would call tomorrow and tell me my new location. Right after the phone call I went back to Amberwood and packed my few belongings. The matron seemed surprised to see me since I hadn't been at school for a few months but I waved off her questions and said that my 'parents' would call and explain the situation. I returned to Clarence's and went straight to my room where I sat down on the bed and just stared at the armchair still beside the bed. That armchair that Adrian had been sitting in for three whole days just to watch over me. That armchair where I made him hope and then broke his heart once again. It suddenly hit me that I was really leaving. I was leaving my friends and my second family. Leaving because of a guy. A guy that was funny and handsome and kind and amazing and who liked me for me. I was leaving the perfect guy and I didn't even feel regret. Not yet at least. All I felt was an emptiness and a hole in my heart. I had never felt like that before and didn't know how to fix it. The dhampirs and Jill came by after school to say goodbye and even when I greeted them at the door, Jill was crying. We went in to the living room and I hugged them one at a time, leaving Jill for last. When I hugged Jill she refused to let go. We stood there, with her crying her eyes out on my shoulder, hugging.

"Please don't leave.", she mumbled while still crying.

"I have to.", I murmured back.

"No you don't. You can stay. I can fix this.", She whispered.

"No, you can't. This is my decision. It's better like this, for all of us.", I said to her. I could see the dhampirs exchange a glance behind Jill's back and something struck me. They didn't even know why I was leaving. They just knew that I did. Somehow, they must have figured something out because they didn't ask a single question. Just looked at me and shared glances. I didn't like it.

"It's not better for me.", She said. Then she continued, whispering; _"It's not better for him either you know." _

"It is. You just don't see it yet.", I answered and tried to let her go. I pulled out of the hug and looked her in the eyes. "This is going to make everything better. Trust me.", I tried staying strong but I was close to tears. Little Jill, so sweet, so kind, and I was leaving her.

"Nothing is going to get better.", She said, while staring in to my eyes. I wondered how much of her sadness was from Adrian. Was he sitting at home, sad right now? Did he feel bad that things ended like this between us? I stopped myself right there. I couldn't keep caring about him and his thoughts and feelings. I had to start focusing on me.

"When do you leave?", Angeline suddenly said.

"Tomorrow.", I said, while letting Jill go. Jill continued crying and threw herself in Eddie's arms. He looked startled at first but then resorted to patting Jill's back and trying to comfort her. It was sweet to watch, but also painful. It reminded me of the feelings I was trying so hard to erase.

The next day Stanton called. I was given a mission in Santa Barbara. The local alchemist there needed some help and I was being put there until they could find a place where I was needed more. I quickly made my way out to the car and just sat there. Sat there, staring straight forward and gripping the wheel so tight that my knuckles went white. He hadn't come. He wouldn't even say goodbye. Did he hate me now? Did I break his last patience and pushed him towards hatred instead of love? And why did I feel crushed when I thought about him hating me? Wasn't that what I wanted? I didn't know what was wrong or right. I didn't know what was up or down. Everything was a big mess and I couldn't decide what I felt. He often made me confused. Almost always he was the one who created my feeling of not knowing. Of being lost. He made me loose my way and also my mind. But sometimes he helped me find a way back too. He helped me on my quest of finding myself. But none of that mattered, I had to leave. I had to stop being confused. I turned the key and started the car. I was on the road in a couple of minutes and made my way to Santa Barbara. I would finally get away from Adrian. I would finally be able to find myself and find peace. I would stop being tormented every minute of every day. I would be fine for once. Everything would go back to normal. I started my drive to Santa Barbara and pushed aside the feelings of regret. This was the right decision.


	12. Chapter 12

I had been in Santa Barbara for a month when I got a task that required me to swing by Palm Springs over the day. I didn't know what to feel. I was going back to the place that had been the root to my unhappiness, but also my joy. I had told Jill that I was coming and promised that I would make time for a coffee or something with the gang while I was there. She was excited to see me and she said that she had missed me. We made plans and I went on with my task in Palm Springs. I needed to pick up some things to my superior in Santa Barbara and make some interrogations with some people on a location suspected of co-operation with strigoi. When I finally was done handling my mission I made my way to Amberwood where I was supposed to pick up Jill, Eddie and Angeline. I parked in front of the school and saw Jill practically bounce when she made her way to me. When she was close enough she threw herself around my neck and hugged me. The other two joined her and turned Jill's hug into a group hug. It was really warming. From what I had heard, they hadn't been assigned with a new alchemist since they couldn't find anyone that fit the profile of a high school student and who also was a good enough alchemist to be trusted with the Dragomir princess. They had decided to not make Zoe an alchemist, at least not for the time being, since she still was very sloppy and wasn't mentally ready for this dangerous mission. It relieved me. I didn't have to worry about her, at least not now. After a while, we broke the hug and got in Latte and I drove us to a coffee shop. We bought our beverages and sat down in a booth in a far end corner. Me and Angeline sat with our backs to the entrance with Eddie and Jill across from us. I felt happy, even though I also felt that one piece was missing. A very important person was missing. _He _wasn't here. I both felt relieved but also a bit disappointed. I knew that it would hurt seeing him, but not seeing him hurt as bad.

"So, how's Santa Barbara?", Eddie asked, seemingly curious. I shrugged.

"It's okay. Not much happening, but it's nice. I get to relax some.", I smiled.

"Wait a second, did I hear that right? _Sage? Relaxing? _As if.", I heard a very familiar voice behind me and froze. Was he really _here? _I turned my head and saw him stand there. Those green eyes filled with pain and sorrow and his hands in his pockets. My eyes went wide with surprise and I could hear Jill giggle.

"What are you doing here?", I asked, shocked.

"Well, I heard from a certain little moroi that my favorite alchemist would be in town, I wouldn't want to miss a chance of meeting her, right?", He raised an eyebrow and pulled a chair over to the booth. He put the chair backwards at the end of the table and sat down with his arms resting in front of him on the back of the chair.

"So now I'm your favorite? Didn't seem like it the last time you saw me.", I challenged. Better to hurt him now than later.

"You will always be my favorite, after all, you were the first alchemist to trust me on a super dangerous mission.", He winked. That time I sent him in to the tattoo shop. It seemed like ages ago. He had been so trusting.

"Ah yes, the dangerous mission of distracting a tattooist.", I replied and sipped on my coffee.

"It was dangerous. Without my stellar charisma, you could have been caught.", He teased. I rolled my eyes and was just going to answer him when I looked around and saw everyone else's faces. They were watching me and Adrian with amusement, and it hit me that for a couple of minutes there, we were like before. Me and Adrian was actually teasing each other without one, or both of us, looking hurt or longing, we had actually gotten along like normal people. It had felt good. I suddenly choked and looked down at my coffee. I couldn't do this. Behaving normally around him fueled the feelings I'd hidden for so long and made them come to life once again. Adrian seemed to sense that I resorted to my reserved self and he sighed.

"So.. How are you? Liking your new mission?", Adrian asked while looking at the table.

"I'm fine. The mission is okay I guess. Not much happening out of the ordinary, just standard alchemist work.", I looked down at my coffee. This had turned awkward and uncomfortable. My Adrian, who I had been missing for so long, was sitting so close to me. The Adrian I had been missing even when he was near. He hadn't been my Adrian for so long. He had only been the angry, hurt Adrian who made my heart break. But now he was sitting here. My Adrian. The somewhat happy guy who liked to banter with me and who was funny and witty and perfect. He made me happy. I came back to reality and saw that Jill was studying my face. She squinted her eyes and stared me down until I had to turn away my head because it felt uncomfortable. I looked over at Adrian and saw that he seemed to be lost in thought. I smiled to myself. My Adrian was back. When I looked back at Jill she was smiling.

"What?", I said, with a smile on my face too.

"Oh nothing.", She looked at me and then at Adrian who now was curious. "Nothing at all.", She leaned back against the back of the booth and looked pleased. I wondered why. What had she figured out just by looking at me? I was clueless.

"Oh yeah Sage, can I get a ride home? Taking the bus here was painful enough.", Adrian said, looking hopeful.

"Why didn't you take the mustang?", I asked. Was it something wrong with it?

"It has been making these strange noises, I was going to take it to a mechanic first thing tomorrow."

"I could take a quick look.", I offered nonchalantly "If you don't mind?"

Adrian smiled and said; "You're more than welcome to do that."

"Then we better get going, I need to hit the road soon.", I said while I started collecting my things. We all walked out to Latte and climbed in. Adrian immediately sat beside me, in the passenger seat, and I started feeling a bit uncomfortable. What was I doing? I thought I had decided to stay away from Adrian. But then again, I couldn't ignore a car in trouble. I drove to Amberwood and said goodbye to my friends. Jill looked on the verge of tears again but she blinked them away. When me and Adrian drove away, I waved to the three standing on the sidewalk. I missed them already.

When we finally was at Adrian's we quickly got out of Latte and I went straight to the beautiful yellow mustang, that was shimmering in the sunlight. Adrian opened the hood and started explaining and mimicking the sound it did when he drove and I started examining the motor. I worked in silence for a few minutes before Adrian decided to strike a conversation.

"Do you miss Palm Springs?", He said it casually but his eyes seemed to be filled with something deeper. I couldn't put my finger on it.

"Yeah, of course I do. I miss you guys. You're my friends.", I said while still examining one part of the motor after another.

"You should never have left. It isn't the same without you.", He said. When I looked at him he seemed lost in thought.

"I needed to leave. You know why.", I was determined to not let him bring me down.

"I know, I know. It's just.., sad, without you here. There's no one here who can put me on track when I screw up anymore and that scares me.", He said, almost in a whisper.

"You'll be fine. I have confidence that you're done with making the wrong decisions.", I said, still staring at the motor. He was pushing us towards the topics that always ended in someone getting hurt. I hated him for always doing that to me.

"I sure hope so. Everything's gone darker since you left. You are my sun. I've told you that before.", He sounded hopeful. Suddenly, I got angry. I slammed the hood shut. I couldn't take it anymore.

"Adrian, can you _please _stop! You always makes us fight or make one of us sad. You always push us into topics that will do no good and who always leaves me with the feeling of being a bad human being!", I was at the edge. Every emotion I hadn't known how to handle exploded in that minute. All the longing, hope, anger, sadness and disappointment. Everything mixed together in a huge explosion of emotion that I didn't know how to direct except through having a meltdown. Adrian's eyes were wide in surprise and his mouth were a little open.

"I'm sick of you always making me feel like the bad guy! I'm sick of your constant pushing to get what you want! I'm sick of everything!", I stormed of to my car before he had a chance to stop me. Sitting in the driver's seat, I couldn't bring myself to put the keys in the ignition. I didn't mean the things I'd said. I should apologize. I had blamed all my problems on him. All I wanted was to be with him and to find myself. Every fiber of my body ached with the desire of just being near him and feel _loved. _He made me feel things I never thought I would feel in my life. I was torn. Tears started falling for the first time since I leaved Palm Springs. This time I wasn't crying about Adrian or my constant hurting of both his and my feelings. I cried because of the injustice that our lives were filled with. I cried because no matter how hard we tried, we would never have it easy together. If we were to become a couple, the alchemists would hunt us down. They would send me to re-education and brainwash me. And if the alchemist didn't come after us, they would probably make Zoe an alchemist. I couldn't live with that. No matter what I did, the outcome would be bad. No matter what I did, I wouldn't have a fairytale ending. Something would always go wrong. I must have been sitting there for several minutes when I heard a knock on my window. Adrian stood there, face full of regret. I opened the door and got out, slammed the door shut and stood with my back to it.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to be pushy.", He said, voice full of regret and sadness.

"It's okay. I blamed you for all the wrong things. It's not you I'm mad at, not really.", I almost whispered back. We stood so close and I regretted everything I had ever done wrong to him. I regretted breaking his heart that first time in his apartment. I regretted every time I'd hurt him. But one thing I didn't regret was falling for him.

"No, you have all the rights in the world to be mad at me. I'm spoiled and a brat and childish and everything that I shouldn't be. It's just.., you took my heart with you to Santa Barbara. I don't want to let you go again.", Tears glistened in his eyes and he crossed his arms against his chest. "I can't. I won't. You have to stay this time."

"I can't just _stay. _I have work to do. I wish I could, I really do, but I don't know how.", The tears kept running down my cheeks. I couldn't stop them.

"But you would if you could?", He asked hopefully, wiping away some of his tears. He looked so vulnerable, so sweet. I got flashbacks of our kiss and everything sweet he had ever done to me. In that moment I made a decision. I kissed him. He was startled at first but after just a second he kissed me back. Everything that mattered was us. I was filled with happiness and everything seemed right in the world for once. It was perfect. We stood there, kissing, hugging and crying, until I remembered where I was. And where Adrian was. We broke apart and I looked him in the eyes and took his hands.

"I never want to leave you", I said, drowning in his emerald eyes.

"Then don't.", He said, squeezing my hand. Suddenly I was reminded of the sun that probably was roasting Adrian alive at the moment.

"Let's get you inside before you pass out.", I said and led him to towards his apartment. This relationship wasn't going to be easy, we would have to stand up for ourselves and fight a lot of battles to be accepted. People would doubt us, tell us we couldn't be with each other and threaten our happiness but we wouldn't back down. They could bring their worst, we would never leave each others side. I could feel that this would last long. We were soul mates and no matter what, we would stay together. People would try to bring us down and sometimes they would most likely make us want to give up. We were up for a long road of crying, anger, doubt and fear, But it would be worth it. We would be together.

* * *

_A/N: Thanks to everyone who has been reading, reviewing and liked this fic! This is the first story I've ever written and it means a lot that you guys liked it! This was the last chapter of Sunflowers but I'll be back with more. I'm currently in the early stages of writing a fic from Adrian's POV and I also have a very short epilogue to this story that I might publish if you want me to (I'll have to warn you though, it's __really __short) I just want to hug each and every one of you!_


	13. Epilogue

_A/N: So here it is! I'm gonna warn you before you read though; It's super fluffy. I wrote this a late night when I should've been sleeping so when I read through it in the morning I was baffled just because fluffy stories isn't really my style. Thinking of publishing the first chapter in my new story tomorrow, but since I'm covered in school work it might not happen. If I don't post it tomorrow I will surely post it this Friday instead. Anyway; read, review, enjoy!_

* * *

Our relationship hadn't been smooth. We had been prepared for that. A lot of people had worked against us but a lot of people had supported us too. My dad had stopped talking to me but I still had my mom and sister's. And my friends of course. They had been the most supporting of us and they had never backed down from our side. The only thing that clouded my happiness a little was that Zoe now was the new family alchemist. It hadn't been what I wanted but there was nothing I could do about it. Other than that everything was perfect and right now, in this moment, we were old news. All our enemies had given up and we had settled down. Here we were. Nine years had gone since we got together. Six years of hardship and love. Nine wonderful years, the best of my life. It had been two years since our wedding and I had never been happier. We lived in a fairly large city in a very small apartment. Our small living space wouldn't work very long, soon we would have tiny dhampirs with blonde hair and emerald eyes running around our feet. In just two months we would have a little Lucia to love and care for. The moving company was scheduled to come in a week and I couldn't wait. Adrian was the love of my life and I never wanted to leave him.

A week later I stood in our empty living room, rubbing my belly and looking out our window when I suddenly felt a pair of strong arms around me.

"Come with me, Mrs Ivashkov, and no one will get hurt.", Adrian said in a hoarse whisper. I giggled and he hugged me and kissed my cheek. "Feeling sad?", He murmured into my neck.

"A little. I mean, this _was _our first home together.", I sighed. "But it will be nice to move so that the little rascal in my stomach will have plenty of room to run around.", I kept rubbing circles on my belly.

"I'm pretty sure _I _will love living in the house too. I have a great feeling about this.", He released me and I turned around to face him. His green eyes still made me speechless after all these years. He was so beautiful.

"_We _will love living in the house. Who knows, you might find lots if inspiration to paint there. You know, nature and stuff.", I smiled and took his hands in mine.

"You're my inspiration in every thing I do. I don't need nature or anything. Just you. And our little piece of perfection that needs too hurry out here so we can meet her.", He patted my stomach.

"I know. Our little light. Lucia.", I really loved that name.

"She is awesome already. I can feel it. She's just like her dad.", He looked at me mockingly.

"I sure don't hope so, wouldn't want her to be like you in your younger days.", I mocked back.

"Me neither. I'm so glad you found me and put me on the right path. You saved me.", He looked in my eyes and we kissed.

"I'm so glad that I found you before you hopped on the crazy train.", I simply said and hugged him. "What would I have done if I hadn't found you in time?", I murmured into his chest.

"I don't even want to think about it. It's to heart breaking. You were destined for me. You were my angel sent from heaven.", He said and I could feel the vibrations in his chest. It felt comforting. It felt like home. We stepped back and he took one of my hands. We walked out to the car and drove the short drive to our new house where we were going to raise our beautiful children and hopefully live our life. My life was perfect.


End file.
